Good lord it's cold. If you need me, I'll be by the fireplace with a book and a cup of hot sake. There's no way in hell I'm sitting in a block of ice.

Ah! A few weeks in the training box, and I feel good as new. Damn, I was getting out of shape. I feel like I could take on the world!

Pack of cards. Six pack of beer. Anko dumplings.

Anyone up for a game of poker?

Sitting here is more boring than paperwork. I need some entertainment.

I want all my ninjas on their highest guard until I say not to be. This is a direct order, you hear me? We have enough to lose, and there's only so much I can do to hold it off. I refuse to let any Leaf ninja get hurt under me.

We have an S-Rank criminal shinobi in our midst. Uchiha Itachi should be avoided at all costs. It's not usually recommended to run from an enemy, but this is a special case. He is known for a genjutsu technique called 'Tsukyomi', executed with his Sharingan. Avoid his eyes.

Do not get headstrong. Do not get stupid. Do not risk yourself. Death is not permanent here, but the lasting effects of his genjutsu are. As long as I am Hokage, Akatsuki will not threaten my Leaf buds.

Follow Kakashi's orders, as well. He is the highest ranked ninja we have. Obito, Obito and Sasuke, I want you to stay by Kakashi. Do as he says, do not disobey orders.

Okay. Mikoto seems to be in stable condition, but I'm not taking any chances. At least the room's being reasonable with wishes, especially when I wished for a heart monitor. Good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff, these elves refuse to serve me the expensive sake. I'm contemplating throwing one of them just to make a point. 

Listen up, Konoha ninjas.

Love hurts, I think I know this better than anyone. It's gut-wrenching and sometimes it seems like it's not worth it and you just want to stop loving all together and head towards the booze.

But God dammit. Get your shit together. You're all hurting and even I can feel it.

I've got a headache the size of this room and nothing to make it go away.

Damn this room. I've been told to just wish for things, but it's not happening. All I need is some ibuprofen and a bottle of sake. That's not so hard.

Stupid.

Hey! Where's my desk? I was in the middle of a game of solitaire some very important paperwork.

Either someone explains within five seconds, or this place gets a sunken living room.